Let Him love you

One my favorite people in the Bible is Paul. I totally resonate with the whole “oops, totally squandered years of my life” sentiment. I mean it! Now, I didn’t used to martyr Christians like Paul, but I’ve certainly taken a wayward path to the cross. And I’ve caused a lot of damage in the process. My point is: I really like Paul.

I especially appreciate his honesty. Take Romans 7:15 for example. Paul says: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

YES! Me too, man! And that prideful heart of mine has been driving me crazy lately. So much so that I was talking to a friend about it this morning. We sat on her couch, wrapped in blankets as the rain poured down outside.

“I just hate it,” I confessed. “Part of me feels like, if I really loved God, I would stop messing around and obey Him.”

I was discussing an area of ongoing struggle in my life, one that has led to a lot of condemnation lately. And I reasoned that I could totally get beyond it, if I were a real Christian. If I really loved Him.

And my friend set down her mug of coffee and placed a gentle hand on my back: “I don’t think it’s about you loving Him more. It’s about you letting Him love you.”

Letting Him love me.

Outside those four walls, the sky was crying, and I really didn’t want to start crying too. But those words shook me so deeply. Is that what I’ve been doing? Trying to make myself lovable again? Trying to fill my life with purpose so I don’t have to dig deep and trust God in the scary places?

I need to crack open this battered heart and let His love pour in, let it seep into my fears and overwhelm them.

I’m so quick to shift into performance mode and try to self-correct any wrong behaviors. But once again, God reminded me– through a friend– that I can’t fix myself. That’s why I need Him.

I need to crack open this battered heart and let His love pour in, let it seep into my fears and overwhelm them.

Letting God love us means spending time just falling apart on Him. It means crying about exams and crying out for friends. Letting Him love us means sitting in silence just because we long to hear His voice louder than the world around us. Letting Him love us means listening. I’m not good at listening. But when I listen, I hear His affirmation of my identity in Him. I hear a song of security and feel an embrace of care.

That’s God’s love.

My friend went on to say that using rules to motivate and “fix” our walk of faith, it is nothing more than religion. Binding, choking, religion.

But letting God love us, cultivates our relationship with Him. It breeds depth and intimacy. It breeds life.

So here’s a BIG virtual hug from God, and a reminder that you don’t have to try and love God and “do all the things.” Just let yourself fall into His love and be swept away by grace.

Love,

Hannah