That time I failed three times in a row

When I was 15-years-old, I was one of those rare children who didn’t want to grow up. So I avoided getting my temporary driver’s license and kept riding around with mom and dad. The day came, however, when I started getting antsy for more mobility and freedom.  So I decided to learn to drive. I resolved to disassociate myself from my irresponsible generation: I was going to be the perfect driver.

Imagine the blow my ego took when I failed my driver’s test not once, not twice, but THREE times. Yep. Fun fact: The second time I took it, I accidentally did something so rare that the instructor had to call her supervisor because she didn’t know if it was legal or not. It wasn’t.

At the time, my dad encouraged me: “You’ll laugh about this some day.” At the time, I glared at him and spat out all the reasons why it wasn’t my fault.

In my view, the driving gods were against me. I was destined to not get my license for one stupid reason after another. Truth is, I was just having a really hard time swallowing that F word: Failure.

If you’ve read my blog for long, you’ll know that I’ve had one or two bouts of perfectionism in my 22 years. And I still remember the crushing weight of shame that I, Hannah Michelle, was such a failure.

Do you feel like that today? Are you sitting in the ashes of your mistake or someone else’s, wondering why the voice in your head keeps screaming “you don’t belong here!”

Friend, I’ve been there. I’ve lived there. And I want to encourage you to look beyond the circumstance and press in deeper. For me, the driving fiasco was an indicator that my sense of identity had strayed. I was believing what the world said about me- and bad drivers- rather than what God says.

Do you know what God says? He says you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). He says you are treasured (Philippians 4:8). He says you are His child (Galatians 3:26), one he deeply loves (Romans 5:8).

There is a myriad of labels- good or bad- that the world will try to place on you, and a myriad of statuses you’ll want to chase for fulfillment. But it all falls short; it all ends. What God says about you is eternal and it is the truth.

Cling to that. Write these scriptures down. Memorize them. And when your heart aches at your own failures, remind yourself that you are new in Christ. Remind yourself what He says about you.

And guys, I am a great driver, for the record.

Love,

Hannah