Satisfaction is in the Knowing

Recently, I’ve been meditating on the word “satisfy.” See, in light of this COVID-19 quarantine, and the other 1,311 weeks of my life, it is come to my attention that I’m not entirely satisfied in the Lord (ha!).

And I don’t think I’m the only one.

We all turn to other things in futile attempts to fill ourselves–reputation, appearance, money, status, etc. I’ve seen my heart gravitate toward all those things at one time or another. But during this season, I’m realizing for the first time that my love of routine is no different. It’s a futile attempt to satisfy myself by controlling my world; by becoming my own god.

I love setting boundaries for myself, establishing rules, and accounting for all variables. I crave the temporary satisfaction I feel when I know all these routines are in place. Cue COVID-19, and my world is slightly upended. I’ve lost most of my pre-pandemic rhythms of life. Sunday morning church services, social gatherings, and even regular work days in the office: gone. And I, having waltzed through life believing that satisfaction is found in the knowing, have become “slightly” frustrated.

Routine can become a futile attempt to satisfy ourselves by controlling our world; by becoming our own gods.

I’ve adamantly clung to that truth: I am satisfied when I know.

And guess what? God showed me that I’ve been right!

You laugh, but I’m serious! Satisfaction IS in the knowing. It’s just not the knowing that I’ve been clinging to.

Allow me to explain…

Spanish Vocab 101: “to know”

In the Spanish language, there are two main verbs that translate to the English word “to know”, but they have two distinct, basic meanings:

1. Saber – to know information
2. Conocer – to know a person

So, “Yo conozco que el partido es mañana” // “I know that the game is tomorrow” makes no sense. Similarly, “Yo sé a Hannah” // “I know Hannah” is a grammatical no-no.

Rest in the Knowing

There are two fundamental types of knowing; and as the Spanish language demonstrates, they can’t be used interchangeably.

So yes, knowing will satisfy us. But not knowing facts or timelines. We will only be satisfied in knowing a person: Jesus.

Instead of trying to manage and line up every little thing, you and I can rest. And I don’t know about you, friend, but that is so comforting to my weary heart.

Where routine tells me that knowing (1) what to expect and (2) how I’ll control it, satisfies me, Jesus tells me that knowing Him satisfies me.

A desire for knowledge isn’t bad. Knowing what your day will look like, knowing that your kids are on the right track, knowing that you are loved by people you care about–they’re all healthy desires.

But we must keep these desires in check. They don’t bring lasting joy (Psalm 90:14) or refresh our weary souls (Jer. 31:25). They don’t address our hunger (Psalm 107:9) or give us long life (Psalm 91:16).

So yes, knowing will satisfy us. But not knowing facts or timelines. We will only be satisfied in knowing a person: Jesus.

They don’t satisfy us.

Knowing in the Unknown

But Jesus does. He offers Himself as our all-in-all, our joy, our strength, our perfect parent, our faithful lover, our closest friend, our refuge, our redeemer, our hope, our leader, our provider, our healer, and our vindicator. He satisfies in every way.

Most of us are feeling off-kilter during this season. We don’t know which day of the week it is or when we last wore jeans. And we’re all grieving losses of varying degrees.

We can’t find joy in knowing next month’s schedule, because there isn’t one. We can’t take comfort in knowing when this will be over, because the predictions change daily. We can’t rest in the hope of a vaccine, because it hasn’t been developed.

But we can find joy, comfort, and rest in the Savior. We can be satisfied in Him.

My prayer is that we would know His character more deeply as a result of this season, that we wouldn’t run away from the discomfort it brings. God is right here in the midst of the coronavirus, and He is stripping us of many of the comforts–the knowings–that have averted our gaze toward Him.

So let’s turn our eyes to Him. Let’s dig into the Word, pray with friends, journal through the hard emotions. Friends, let’s get to know Jesus deeper. In knowing Him, we are satisfied. In knowing (conocer) Him, we can know (ser) that we will be okay.

Love,

Hannah