You need to know…
1. Some days, you will feel very uncomfortable in your recovered body. But if you’re like me, you will not miss your sick body. Not once.
Because eating disorders don’t have a look, the concept of a sick body vs. recovered body is somewhat mangled. However, recovery often does lead to physical changes as the brain heals and you learn how to nourish yourself. It is hard to undergo those changes. At the same time, they are exciting signs that you are reclaiming your life. You will get used to those changes over time and get to a place of accepting how your body is created to be.
You will never be fully ready. Maybe you’re just ready to be ready…That’s enough.
2. This is a long process, and you’ve taken the hardest step
There’s a common saying among those in the mental health world that says healing begins when you “get sick enough of being sick.” I wish that weren’t a common line because, while helpful, it implies that there’s an “aha” moment. For some people I know, that is true. For others, including myself, the choice to pursue life outside an eating disorder was slow building—one lopsided step after another. My point is this: you will never be fully ready. Maybe you’re just ready to be ready…ready to let someone else take care of you because it’s been so hard trying to shoulder the world alone. That’s enough. Make the call.
3. The highs of the eating disorder might give a thrill, but they come at an immense cost.
I rarely hear people discuss the “highs” of mental illness, but that sense of power is a legitimate thing. So, let me be candid: I’ll never forget the otherworldly invincibility that pulsed through me when I fully engaged in my eating disorder. For the briefest of moments, I felt powerful; proud of myself, even. But it never lasted. Within an hour, deep depression and a sense of obligation would greet me. Whether you have an eating disorder or not, I would guess you relate. After all, isn’t this the case with so many of the bad decisions we make in life (whether purposefully or not)? Right then, everything seems perfect. And then, it’s all wrong and you feel even more trapped and discouraged than before.
Since choosing recovery, I have found that while the highs and lows of life are drastic, the joy is more authentic and lasting. Instead of feeling invincible, I feel connected. And I’m learning that is a million times better.
4. You may need to distance yourself from certain places and/or people for a time. That’s not weakness; it’s wisdom.
While I wish that entire families got “grandfathered in” to the healing process you are about to embark, it doesn’t work that way. Some may come alongside you—providing support, attending family therapy, etc. This isn’t always the case though. Some people will have lifestyles that are unhealthy or unhelpful for you to be around; others won’t be willing to learn what is and isn’t helpful. Learning to set boundaries is an important part of your healing. It is a sign of strength and wisdom, not weakness.
Ps. The same can be said of certain places or situations that you frequented while deep in your eating disorder. You might need to step away for a while to prioritize your authentic self over the eating disorder.
Instead of feeling invincible, I feel connected. And I’m learning that is a million times better.
5. You can’t recover alone, nor would it be fun to try. It’s a mega-relief to have a treatment team and fellow recovery warriors to walk alongside.
There is a profound calm that washes over me when I think of the fellow men and women I’ve walked alongside in my journey. From shared gripes about treatment meals, to relatable family struggles; these warriors have buoyed me in my journey like no one else could. We were put on this earth to live in community, so don’t underestimate the power that others have to positively impact my life. A large part of pursuing healing involves neglecting the control that has become so second-nature. Having a treatment team and peers to encourage me in that has made all the difference. It still does
Your life matters and I want you to see that, regardless of where you are in your mental health journey. My hope is that these words will encourage you to take your next step. Many people have (and still do) provide that support to me, and it’s an honor to do so for your.
Love,
Han
A Grateful Life Lived 
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