A Grateful Life Lived

Hello internet, I’m back. I mean, I haven’t gone anywhere, per se, but I’ve been lingering in my thoughts for a while. See, when I write on a public platform, I assume a sense of responsibility for what I do (and do not) convey. When I’m not in a space to share, I don’t. 

So, I’ve sat back for a little while.

At the risk of drumming to the oft-annoying beat of an “end-of-year reflection,” I must say that 2023 has shocked me. Shocked me like a lightning bolt shooting out of a squishy pillow or something equally bizarre. That surprise is a grace, though, as I might have surrendered if I’d known how hard this year would be.

Honestly, it’s probably been the hardest year without a clear payoff–2022 provided great freedom, 2021 was exciting, and 2020 provided a COVID-cloak so I essentially numbed myself for its entirety. In contrast, I have felt each emotional bump that 2023 has offered, and I feel quite battered.

Battered, yes, but not broken. And that is what I want to hit on in this post. You’ve walked through difficulties this year too. It’s part of the human experience. So it’s tempting to rush from one hardship or victory to the next. Instead (in a spirit of hope and gratitude), I’ve compiled a list of things I’ve learned this year. The list–ranging from silly to serious–is a sincere reminder of the value in each day. 

What I would tell my January 2023 self (the really good ones are in bold). . .

1. Don’t buy a white bedspread (I don’t care if Joanna Gaines marketed it, you won’t keep it clean)
2. Embrace boundary setting, ASAP
3. You finally get your dog this year!!!
4. The job searching process is akin to riding the Top Thrill Dragster–consecutively and without pause. It’ll seem fun, nauseating, and repetitive. Don’t give up. Let patience have it’s perfect work (James 1:4-8)
5. Safety is a biggie, so don’t be surprised when this wound becomes a theme. 
6. Isolation is not synonymous with safety. Not in the slightest.
7. Learn to trust, but don’t trust everyone. Protect your boundaries (see #3).
8. Don’t try running through a calf injury. You will/do regret it…
9. On the glassy edge of losing your faith, you will jump into grace and it will hold you.
10. Suffer for what matters
11. You will value everything you write down, so write it–especially the hard stuff that keeps you soft.
12. Your dog is the cutest ever
13. Long-distance friendships are possible, and an incredible joy
14. Continue practicando espanol.
15. If one spends decades burying feelings and wounds, it’ll take a good chunk of time to normalize feelings and how to process them in adaptive ways
16. Recovery is hell sometimes. You’re gonna spend a lot of this year trying to do it alone and that’ll backfire. So maybe don’t do that. . . ?
17. Hot baths are luxurious and to be savored–especially with a good book in hand.
18. People forget to care. You can choose to be angry or you can choose to live differently.
19. OCD is wildly misunderstood–even more than eating disorders. This year, you’ll grow immensely in understanding this part of yourself. You’ll experience dozens of “no way!” moments in regard to why you do the things you do.
20. Zak (your older brother) is one of the most supportive people in your life (one of four you feel like you can truly trust). He is deeply empathic, creative, and kind.
21. That thing on your nose is that you named Rudolph is called a cherry hemangioma and he will attract more attention than anything else you post on social media this year, so that’s quirky!
22. There’s great value in words unspoken
23. Running a 50k is fantastic fun and you’ll be craving your next one as soon as you finish the first.

If you were to give your January 2023 self some advice, what would you include? I’d love to hear!

Love, Han