A Grateful life Lived

I threw a fit when the word “therapy” was first suggested to my preteen ears. And while the stigma surrounding mental health has diminished significantly in the last ten years, our society still views illness of the brain as much less valid than illness of the body.

Recently, I did a poll on Instagram regarding potential content ideas for my blog. An overwhelming number of you said you would love to read a series about things I’ve learned in therapy. So, with the blessing of some catchy alliteration and my faithful readers, I’m diving into this series.

“Lessons Learned in Therapy” aims to unpack brief mental health insights that I’ve gleaned from counseling and therapy. Not all are biblical, but they are all in alignment with my Christian worldview.

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What If I Can’t Handle It?

Welcome to my brain. Oftentimes, it resembles some dystopian carousel. Wacky thoughts and fears boomerang with dizzying speed and I’m still trying to get my bearings.

I know I’m not the only one who catastrophizes when I’m in an anxious spot. Thankfully, I have learned many skills to help me when anxiety or intrusive thoughts come up. So, I want to share a few of them.

Scene 1: Anxiety Overload

One small choice or struggle can easily balloon into a life-changing sequence of events when anxiety is at the wheel. Does a decision to enjoy a quiet evening in rather than run errands translate to a lack of self-control and a life wasted? Hardly! It can feel like it, nonetheless.

Here’s the thing, though: when we engage in these spiraling thought patterns, reality gets blurred by emotional tidal waves. There are many helpful ways to stop the spiral though–including “that’s not for me”. Another helpful tool? Considering all possible outcomes rather than focusing on the worst-case scenario. This method, as a professional once shared with me, helps promote cognitive defusion, that is: creating distance between the person and the thought so it can be non-judgmentally considered rather than immediately accepted as truth.

Cognitive Defusion: Creating distance between the person and the thought so it can be non-judgmentally considered rather than immediately accepted as truth.

The easiest way to do this is to consider the “what ifs.” In the above scenario, the overarching fear is that one self-compassionate decision will lead to an inability to confront challenges and daily tasks. That may be one of my fears, but we can also play it out in a different direction.

Anxiety says: “what if this will destroy your discipline and drive?” A wisemind says: “what if it doesn’t? What if listening to your body allows for a necessary reset and rest? What if you have more fun the next time you hang out with a friend or do an errand, simply because you recharged?:

What ifs can work both ways if we let them.

• Parenting: What if your child goes out for the soccer team and gets cut? What if, instead, he/she gains confidence and learns how to separate her identity from her ability?
• School: What if that C+ on the exam is just the start of you crumbling under the pressure before eventually flunking the class? But what if, on the other hand, the experience acts as a catalyst for asking your professor for help. What if asking for support, in turn, becomes a helpful skill you turn to in future classes when it’s needed?
• Financial: What if switching jobs was a massive mistake and you’ll lose the house if you don’t get enough freelance work coming in? What if you just made a brave choice few people do and it will grow you professionally and allow for amazing opportunities? What if you remember that you can always change your mind and you aren’t boxed in to self-employment if it doesn’t work out.
• Relational: What if your friend interpreted your sadness as anger and is harboring resentment toward you? What if your friend is stressed and it has nothing to do with you?

I encourage you to ask more “what ifs” as you go about your day. Ultimately, there’s a reprieve in the realizations that (1) the worst thing might not happen and (2) considering the worst possible scenario won’t necessarily prevent it from happening. Thus, the function of catastrophizing is a moot point. Sure, we can wonder if catastrophizing helps us somehow prepare for hard stuff, but what if it merely orients our heart and mind toward fear, clouding our outlook and making us miserable? I think the latter is much more likely, given my own experience.

I still run through worst-case scenarios, though. Maybe I’ll always have a tendency to want to self-preserve in that way. Rationally, we know it doesn’t help but emotionally, it may feel comfy given our various backgrounds and struggles. The best thing we can do is practice and observe the results. That’s what I’m doing, at least. 🙂

Ultimately, bad things will happen in this life. We will feel irreparable at times; lost at others. But for those who trust in Christ, it gets even better that doggedly enduring the tough stuff. As a Christian, I know that every “what if” ends with the assuredness that Christ is on the throne and is sovereign. Nothing can separate me from Him and His love (Romans 8). That’s wildly comforting in a world of separation and chaos. He is powerful and He is good.

Love,

Han